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Well what a wonderful day for the staff and students of the looneyversity! Pictured above is our chancellor, Sir Peter Shergold – one of three wise economists drafted to check the Coalition’s costings. As he proudly shook the hand of Treasurer-In-Waiting, Mr Sincerity himself,  Joe ‘Dry Ice’ Hockey, Shergold announced that all the figures are ship-shape, ‘You’re good to go, Smokin’ Joe’.

On the same day the Coalition announced their budget savings.  Chief Goblin Tony Abbott has decreed that from next week, he will put an end to all this socialist and greenie rubbish. The incomers are set to bring back common sense to Federal politics. There will be no more big spending on lefty nonsense like foreign aid and public transport. What’s saved there can go towards building more roads. And as anyone who’s been to Parramatta campus lately will know,  we really need more roads, don’t we? All those refugees clogging up the motorways with the clunkers, creating massive traffic jams! And what are they doing driving around anyway? Aren’t they the sort of people who should shoved into buses and trains? Or Sydney ferries? Now there’s a thought.

But the clincher, the real reason why Tony has got my vote, is that he and his team are getting rid of all this wanky academic research. From now on anything that Tony thinks is a bit silly will get the old heave-ho. What’s all this philosophy, anthropology and cultural study good for anyway?? There’s some poseur at UWS who’s paid a fat taxpayer-funded salary to study some dead German philosopher for four years! How’s that going to help the economy? Instead we should be funding more geological research to help us to find coal, bauxite and iron ore, the things that have made this country rich and great.

So if you can get through the traffic jams on Saturday to vote in the election, we at UWS Dissenter recommend  that you vote for the man with the one point plan –  ‘turn back the wankers’. It’s a simple message but it gets straight to the point.

And good on you Sir Peter for doing your bit. Makes me proud to be a westie.

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