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Why am I smiling, you ask? I just pulled off a major deal with the University of Western Sydney. They just bought 11,000 of me!!!! I may be the most expensive tablet on the market, but surely I’m worth it, right? I have to admit I am bit worried, though. You see, on a daily basis the academic staff who received me as a consolation prize for cuts to courses, staff, and research funding are getting emails inviting them to iPad training workshops where they show up eager to learn about the many classroom uses in which I can be enlisted. The problem is that at every workshop I hear my “owners” (well, actually staff don’t get to keep their iPads, unlike students) grumbling about how inadequate I really am, saying things like “would management please explain to me the pedagogical purpose of these devices!?” I must admit this question surprised me the first time I heard it. Didn’t academics ask for me? Shouldn’t academics decide what technology is most useful to them? Not only am I starting to feel unwanted, but I fear I will be found out for the fraud that I am. The open secret is that I’m a device in search of a pedagogy, and if I don’t find one soon I am going to be fired! So please write in to Dissenter and tell me what I can be used for that bears even the remotest resemblance to education. P.S. don’t bother to ask anyone in IT. I heard one of them complain that no one in IT has been given an iPad. Anyway, I’m confident that the intelligent readership of Dissenter can save mine and Kerri-Lee’s arse and find a purpose for me. But please hurry. I’m afraid the students might turn me into this!

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