So when did we elect you? I don’t recall us having a vote.

But anyway someone clearly thought you were worth backing because they pay you more than they pay Julia Gillard or Barak Obama ($775,000, according to The Australian http://www.theaustralian.com.au/higher-education/full-list-of-vice-chancellor-salaries/story-e6frgcjx-1226385103740). But now you have the nerve to tell us we have to do more with less.

Times are tough, you say. The competition poached many of our customers and you didn’t see it coming (even though you probably should have seen it coming). So we have to work harder and longer. Become more efficient! Get more from the production line! Two years ago you promised you would pay a living wage to those who do most of the work around here. But then you broke that promise and you spend lots of money in court defending your right to continue paying them a pittance. Where’s the justice in that?

We see less of the customers now because you tell us we have to move them through more quickly. Service with a smile: give them a gold star and a pat on the head. They fill in a standard evaluation form and pay their money. Out the door with cap, gown, a bit of rolled up paper and everybody’s happy.

But of course they’re not and we’re not. Although you pontificate about bringing light to the downtrodden masses, they know, and we know, it’s all getting a bit mickey-mouse. Blended learning sounds to me a bit like something Breville would sell you.

We fill out your stupid questionnaires but you don’t listen to any of our grievances. So, after scratching your bewildered head for a few days, you decide it is all down to poor communication. You round up the circus troupe and go on the road to try to ‘sell your message’, to preach the gospel to the misguided minions. But nobody comes because what’s the point of coming? They won’t be heard anyway.

In the end it’s not about listening and hearing. It’s about the power to make a decision and the money to implement it. But you don’t trust us with either the power or the money. And so you can continue pretty much to do what you wish: making poor decisions, squandering the profits and never really being made to answer to anybody for anything.

So tell me again: when did we elect you? I don’t recall us having a vote.

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