Word came through today. Heaters are banned from offices – by edict of the DVC. ‘They’re dangerous things’, she tells us, ‘and they cost the university a lot of money to run’. In these days of austerity we all have to make sacrifices. Those of you who are shivering in your offices/open-plan areas should be comforted by the fact that (after completing the appropriate forms) you can call university security and they will visit and supply you with university blankets and hot soup. It’s all part of the service at UWS where ‘our people’ are very important to us. And look out for the soon-to-be-released range of university-themed thermal underwear available through UWS Connect outlets and selected retailers. ‘Nobody need suffer while working for UWS’, a spokesperson said, ‘we have ways of applying heat where it is most needed’.

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