The entire Looneyversity ‘family’ gathered last week at the venerable Homestead Campus for the grand anniversary celebrations. Big Chief Barnyard G’Lover, the new king of the farmyard was first to speak and declared the festivities open. Welcoming the assembled luminaries, he apologised for the absence of Deputy Rozzer Hawkeye, announcing ‘I’ve sent her overseas and she is very sorry to miss this event. She’s off on important university business to Outer Mongolia and should be boarding a Malaysia Airlines Boeing 777 right about now ‘. Fresh from his own charm offensive across his entire kingdom Chief G’Lover was in fine form, spinning yarns and jesting with the crowd. Soon the looneyversity’s official historian rose to give his prepared speech: ‘In its twenty four year history…’, he began.
But what’s this? A murmur went through the crowd. What sort of historian would make such a mistake. Chief Barnyard look confused and pulled the young man aside. ‘What’s up with you man? If you add 25 to 1989 you get 2014′. But the historian was adamant: the looneyversity was definitely one year short of the quarter century. Barnyard began to doubt his own sanity and arithmetic skills. Had somebody miscounted the beans? It couldn’t be. The looneyversity beancounters are famed for their accuracy.
Rozzer would know. A quick call was put through to her, as she kicked back in the first class lounge at the new Badgery’s Creek airstrip. ‘Barnyard, barnyard!! Don’t you remember? We passed the Looneyversity Calendar Policy in January and abolished 2013 completely. Never happened. Bad dream. It was a master stroke. Gets us out of all sorts of pickles: the grand stuff-up on trimesters, the putting-the-Ipad-cart-before-the Blended-Learning-horse, closing down all that language teaching (didn’t we cop some heat on that one!), paying hundreds of thousands to those blood-sucking lawyers to get us nowhere in Enterprise Bargaining and all those days I spent in Fair Work Australia fighting the bloody unions. And best of all. The very best of all is that if 2013 didn’t happen we don’t have to give the staff a pay rise for last year. Saves some cash for consolidated revenue. How good is that Barn? More money for us to spend on banquets, first class air tickets and vanity publishing. So don’t worry, I didn’t make it today but I’ll make sure I’m there for the real thing in March 2015.’